I just read the same article.

Bad past relationships for you?

I wouldn't say "bad"...but just secret. To the point where it was an infringment to ask about work. And when I met his mom, it all made sense. The part about being tuned to expectations of others rang true to say the least. So it was just eye opening. And the article made me glad it's over, which I'm not always. Not that you need to know all that.

Nice blog by the way.

amazing. i'm just experiencing the same thing. total double life - trying to separate work friends and personal life - and it feels totally shady to me. Keeping info from me - keeping info from them...the whole things feels wrong...i would love to hear more about your experience...if i wouldn't be prying.

My relationship was quite similar to yours Sara. I didn't meet his friends till we were dating for 3 months. I could never figure out if he was trying to keep me from them of vice versa but still, it was a sign of things to come. Not talking about his job was sort of understandable since he didn't really enjoy it there. But the whole thing left me feeling like I only ever knew a tiny sliver of him. I seriously doubt anyone knew him that well. I get the sense that he's out of that now, that he's opening up, but he's not really in my life anymore so I can't tell.

As for the part about being able to handle multiple realities, that was completely true. He was quite happy to continue on in our relationship even where we were obviously miserable and just pretend nothing was wrong. I'm sure he had some explination and I'm sure I woudl have thought he was just lonley and scared to break up with me. And that is what really makes me happy it's over: that I would have always had to live with that, him pretending things weren't wrong when I was freaking out because they were wrong. Once I had to go through this terrible ordeal and rather than him helping me with it and being there for me, he just decided it never happened, quite litterally, and pretended it and my subsequent insanity were completely normal.

Whew! I haven't thought about that in a while...I hope that helps. I don't know how long you've been with your partner but if that sort of behaviour continues, it's really not worth it. Unless they're totally rich and hot, of course.