I was cleaning red and white lint from my courier bag on the subway after carousing with a few hundred Santas in a bar. ("300 Santas walk into a bar...") The lady across the aisle from me glares at me. I ask if I'm making too much noise. She disgustedly complains about the refuse I'm creating. I explain that it is Santa lint and that it is harmless. "If it's harmless, then why are you taking it off your bag?" Because the bag is black, I say, and Santa lint is red and white. It's quite noticeable. "And what color is the floor?"

I look down.

An indeterminate brown, I say.

"Exactly."

New York City must really upset her.