Why stop with the War on Christmas, replacing "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Holidays"? We need to obsess over the etymology of the word "holidays", "Holy Days". Holy Days? It's God, God, God all the time.

Of course, we're not saying which god, but still, they all suck.

Except for JR Bob Dobbs. And my main man, the Christ, the Carpenter of Nazareth, Jesus.

Well, okay, Anansi rocks. And the Buddha's cool. And Pallas Athena, she kicks ass. And those Norse gods? I could go on and on. It really chaps my ass when one of my so-called friends doesn't know who Odin is. I mean, he gave up his eye to drink from Mimisbrunner, Mimir's Well of Wisdom.

Getting back on track, we should all just admit all these "holi"days are transparent attempt to avoid the crushing depression of the dark of winter and surround ourselves with sun lamps or move en masse to the Keys until May. Those old people really have figured it all out, haven't they? Tucson, here I come.