Why read the March 28, 2005, New Yorker, when you can just get the highlights here? All apologies for turning, if for this one post, into Gawker. Well, not really.
Best combination of two sentences: The point is a regular part of the stump speech he has been delivering around the country in his campaign to "reform" (that is, phase out) Social Security in favor of--well, the details will be forthcoming eventually, or maybe they won't, but the general idea seems to be some sort of individual trust-fund portfolio of government-approved investments, only instead of Mom and Dad putting in the money you put it in yourself, and the more you put in (i.e., the better off you were to begin with) the more you get out, unless your investments go bad, in which case you end up old and poor, unless you're rich, in which case you end up just old. And rich.
Best comic paragraph: In April, 2004, Sierra Duplaines and Hank Russell “met cute” at an anti-abortion rally organized by Mr. Russell outside the Moline Women’s Health Co-Op, which is run by Dr. Duplaines. Contrary to their expectations of a screwball romance in the “Adam’s Rib” mold, what followed was eleven months of soul-crushing ugliness occasionally relieved by only slightly better than average sex. Dr. Duplaines is now reading all the available literature on lesbianism and Mr. Russell is spearheading an effort to pass a constitutional amendment taking away a woman’s right to talk.
Best cartoon: Tiny Grand Piano From Outer Space!
